I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
