I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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