i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize