ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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