John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize