No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10