i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
