last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked