Yo dont text me then not text me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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