You can't motorboat a personality
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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