one might say we're banned from that church
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
