Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
