you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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