Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
