belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
