Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
