I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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