i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
