All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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