I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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