i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
