U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
