Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
