the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
