Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
they're like a gay fantastic four
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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