I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Rumble strips road head = magical
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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