Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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