I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
