Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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