I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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