ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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