We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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