found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
