I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
