I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
