You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
