soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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