a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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