dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
