I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
