You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
