Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
