That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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