mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
