Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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