hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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