so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
