On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
