your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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