I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
