I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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