Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
