clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Randomize
