Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
