i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
