Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
