your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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