I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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