YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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