me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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