omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
