I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
