i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
