he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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