but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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