On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just pee around me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
