you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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