Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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