i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Randomize
