I murdered the dance floor call the cops
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just took my morning after pill in the library
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
