she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
